


The Truth

by ElizaStyx



Series: The Awkward Project [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Awkwardness, Denial, Embarassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Misha, Fluff, Hatered, Hurt Misha, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Misha's Drone Problem, Nasty Pranks, Sadness, Self Confidence Issues, drones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:50:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3505676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaStyx/pseuds/ElizaStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a lovely, emotional prompt from <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/earth_dragon">earth_dragon</a><br/>She wrote: "Your awkward project is amazing! There's something specific I'd like to see. There is never enough Emotional! Misha in cockles fic. I'd love to see a fic in which he's just had a terrible, no good, very bad day/week/whatever. Nothing goes right. And by the end of it he's just HAD IT and the last thing sets him off and he bursts into tears. Of course, neither he nor Jensen really knows what to do because it's not really like Misha to react this, but Jen hates to see him hurting and upset."<br/>You may not believe me but I somehow managed to make it even sadder than it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Since it's a longer story I decided to post it as a separate work and create a series to keep it together with the collection of shorts.

Everything has its price and fame is no exception to that rule. Misha had always known that and shortly after his first appearance on Supernatural he had the first, bitter taste of it himself.

Most of his days were okay now that he learned how to avoid seeing hate on twitter and instead of torturing himself with people's opinions, he lived his life to the fullest, enjoying his time with family, friends and loving fans. Truth to be told, he was able to completely forget about those who talked shit, he could become oblivious to their existence. He knew that if he cared too much, he would go crazy.

However, sometimes he couldn't block everything out. Those were usually the days when loads of other things were also going to shit. It required one, maybe two unpleasant occurences and he was thrown right into this pit of self-deprecation. It didn't have to be anything particularly bad, sometimes one stupid harmless prank was enough to make him die on the inside. Of course, he wasn't walking around like a martyr then. Only Vicky was able to see through the facade he was always putting up on those occasions but she wasn't there all the time. Plus he didn't need anyone's pity. This was just the way the world worked, no compassion could change that.

Misha also found this destructive fondness in considering himself strong enough to deal with all this crap alone. He used to be dependent, now he thought himself a new man and took a morbid pride in it. There were too many things worth living for and too many people he could help to concentrate on fixing his own issues. He wasn't really a religious man but he had a faith in one thing - himself.

That was, of course, until that day came.

Nothing sudden or unusual happened then, it was rather a grand accumulation of recent events. There were many conventions, there were the usual hatered flames on twitter and then there was this fucking drone.

At first this whole situation seemed in a way hilarious. It looked as if some neighbours were fooling around. And then it clearly begun spying on him and his family and he simply couldn't have any of that. All the time, even if he couldn't actually see it, he had this feeling he was being observed. It was waiting for him out there and it was making him sick.

After a certainly shitty day, when he was right on the verge of blowing up with one week of hard work behind and one before him, after hearing another five nasty hateful voicemails, and receiving a box of stinking tiger poop Jared just had to ship him as a joke, he decided he had had enough. It was time to take that motherfucking spying machine down. Misha was beyond pissed, when he pulled out his old shotgun and it took him only one angry shot to end the artificial life of the drone. With morbid satisfaction he took a photo of the electronic corpse and posted it to twitter. It cheered him up a bit. Also people responding with nice comments were what he needed.

And then Jensen happened.

Misha knew that it was meant to sound playful but he couldn't help feeling that Jensen was having a good laugh at him. On that day he couldn't see it any other way. Jensen often sounded ironic when he didn't mean to but it didn't help Misha feel better about it. Those words felt like a stab in the gut, especially as Jensen rarely tweeted him and even when he did, it was usually this kind of snarky or mean. Truth to be told, it always made Misha question whether Jensen genuinely liked him even a tiniest bit. Sometimes he felt like a punching bag, mostly when both J's were involved.

When there was just the two of them, it was great, maybe even too great. Misha would dare to say that he could see some really warm feelings in Jensen's eyes and it was making lots of butterflies flutter in his stomach. Then again, maybe it was all just a cruel act designed to make him feel like shit in the end and he was trying to fool himself all this time. He craved those moments though. He craved Jensen's affection and he wished they could always be like that. He wished the reality didn't suck so much.

All those depressive thoughts washed over him as he stood in his garden, still undecided what to do with the remains of the drone. He was so lost in his own head that his doorbell had to ring twice before he noticed it. He shook the trance off, exhaled sharply and proceeded to open up, without looking through the peeker. He didn't really care in that moment anymore.

"Hey, Mish." Jensen greeted him with a huge grin plastered to his face. "I'm here for my drone."

And this was it. This was the exact moment Misha truly had had enough.

He felt an urge to smash Jensen's face with the door but suddenly all the power had left him. His face went pale as he took a step back and without a word turned away to run into his bedroom. He had to hide. From Jensen, from this shitty world and even from himself.

***

Jensen stood there dumbstruck. Never had Misha behaved so bizzarely and so disconcertingly. Jensen felt a pang of worry. All the signs on the Earth and sky told him that he wasn't welcome in that house but he couldn't leave after seeing a glimpse of such a deep hurt and sadness in Misha's eyes. Something was very wrong and he didn't like it. He didn't like the thought of anything bad happening to Misha. Jensen decided to check up on him.

He quickly strode through the house and stopped by the bedroom's door. It was ajar and he could hear some muffled sobs coming from inside. They made his heart sink. He knocked silently.  
"Go away!" Misha sounded really sad and pissed.  
"Mish... What's wrong?" he asked, feeling a lump form in his throat.  
"Go. The fuck. Away!" when Misha swore in anger it was seriously bad.

Jensen decided to intervene and step inside.

The sobs were coming from a big pile of blankets mounted on the bed and Misha posing as a mound of fluff would be hilarious in any other situation but now it was rather terrifying.  
"Mish..." Jensen risked sitting down on the edge of the bed and the pile quickly crawled as far away from him as possible. "Mish..." he wasn't giving up. "Talk to me."

A moment of silence.

"What for?" Misha eventually snorted, his voice tearful. "So that you can laugh at my problems again?"  
"What?" Jensen was suddenly even more confused. "Laugh at your problems? I would never..." he blushed.  
"The drone." Misha's tone was ice cold.

Oh well, if one looked at it that way...

"It was a stupid joke, Mish." Jensen felt awful even just defending himself. "Meant to cheer you up actually."  
"And that worked out just great." something shifted inside the pile.

Jensen had no idea what to say. Sorry just didn't seem to be enough.

"I wasn't aware it could trigger you." he whispered.  
"It always does." the response was barely audible, shy.  
Jensen felt sick. "Always?"  
"Does it make it more pleasurable if I personally admit how much exactly you can hurt me?" the sarcastic tone was like a stab in the heart.  
"You really thought that I..." Jensen gulped, feeling shame clench his gut.  
"It seemed highly probable." Misha was brutally straightforward.  
"I never..." Jensen stuttered, finding it really hard to breathe. "I just... If only I knew..." his voice broke into a whisper right before he blew up. "How could you?!" he cried, tears rolling out of his eyes.

With his vision blurred, Jensen jumped on Misha and tore the covers off him, revealing his puffy and shocked face.  
"How could you not tell me?!" he grabbed Misha's shoulders and shook him hard. "Why did you pretend it's all okay?! One word, Mish! One word would be enough, you idiot!" he gritted his teeth and upon seeing genuine fear in Misha's eyes, he let go of him, backing away. "If only I knew how much this bothered you, I would stop. I would make Jared stop too. Hell, I would murder anyone who dared to prank you even in a least harmful way!" he shook his head and exhaled heavily, gathering his courage. "I love you, Mish." he looked into Misha's eyes shyly, his face softening. "I love you so much that I want to throw myself off the cliff for every time I hurt you unknowingly. A simple sorry can't express what I feel now."

Misha was at a loss of words. When Jensen tackled him, Misha almost peed himself from fear because he looked really fierce, mad, and absolutely out of control. He didn't hurt him though. He stopped himself and then... he said those words...

He meant them.

The emotions in Jensen's eyes were raw and real. They weren't carefully guarded any more and they couldn't be mistaken with anything else. Jensen loved him all this time and Misha had been too blind to notice it. Now as he thought about it, it was always there and Jensen wasn't lying. Even though Misha had never said he felt truly bad, Jensen hadn't hesitated to say sorry, if he thought the pranks became too nasty. This meant that if he had asked Jensen to stop, he really would and Misha wouldn't have to pretend he was strong anymore. Jensen couldn't know it was this bad because Misha simply was too stubborn and proud to let it show. And now Jensen was feeling like shit, even though it wasn't entirely his fault. They were both responsible for this mess.

Jensen obsereved Misha's face for a while longer and then he carefully moved back onto the edge of the bed, his head lowered and cheeks burning. The guilt was eating him up and he couldn't imagine a worse way to tell Misha about his feelings. It was all so wrong and awkward. He had no idea what to do with himself so he hid his face in his palms, trying to calm his running thoughts down. He decided to say sorry once again and then let Misha make his mind up to start hating him forever, when he felt a pair of firm arms sliding around his waist and pulling him close to a warm body he didn't expect to feel against his ever again.

Misha sighed, pressing himself close to Jensen's back and Jensen leaned into his embrace, closing his eyes.  
"I screwed up." Misha whispered, resting his head on him. "I should have trusted you and tell you everything. I was so stupid wanting to prove to myself that I'm strong."  
"You don't need to prove it to anyone." Jensen placed his palms on Misha's hands. "We know you are."  
Misha felt the tears gathering in his eyes again. "From now on I will always tell you the truth, I promise." he could hear Jensen's heart slow down to a normal rhythm right underneath his ear. "I'll start with some basic info, okay?"  
"Sure." Jensen finally smiled a little. "I'm here for you, Mish. Always will be."  
"So..." Misha took a deep breath, feeling his cheeks become red. "I'm Misha Collins and I had a really shitty day today. That is, of course, until this moment. I also... I think I-I might be in love with you."

He heard Jensen's heart flutter at that and he suddenly realised that sometimes reality may be actually a whole lot better than it seems at first.   
He smiled.


End file.
